Me vs Pete Waterman

19 Feb

photoA point on the way to an apology for a history …or Me vs Pete Waterman. Ps I didn’t win.

It was the summer of 1991, and there I was casually minding my own business, attempting to impress a girl and look my coolest. We were crossing the road to get a bus, which seems to be something that has gone out of fashion. I think the whole boy girl thing must be so different these days. You no longer need to spend dreary hours on buses, just send an email. And the whole ritual of telephoning was a nightmare. I presume you just text people these days, and don’t have to avoid speaking to her dad ! Or worse. I do remember calling a girls house once and her younger sister answered. I hear her scramble off , tell the girl who it is , there’s some muffled talk then she comes back ” she said it’s the wrong number ” Oh now I find that story hilarious but at the time ..

Anyway I digress, the girl crossed the road first and safely ( and oddly was a few steps ahead of me but I wasn’t reading that body language ) im still on the road when around the corner comes a classic car driven at top speed. It may have been a rover it may have been a BMW I don’t know but it was expensive. As it zooms past, and as im a few cans of special brew down on a hot day I fall to the ground. Im not sure if the car hit me but I wasn’t hurt. However one thing I have always been good at is mock falling over. I still do it today much to the embarrassment of my children. Anyway my legs go upright and im on my back, girl is not that interested. The car screeches to a halt. And out comes the driver. Girl starts laughing, and I look up. Its Pete Waterman, the corny pop impresario. From the laughter I make some kind of barbed comment, lets say it rhymed with ” cooking Pete Waterman “. Alas he is sharper …on this day anyway ..and retorts with ” I thought you punks were tough ” gets in the car and zooms off like the illegitimate offspring of toad of toad hall and Peter Stringfellow, assuming transgenic science could deliver that.

So at this point I was harbouring some issues
• In 1991 I had good cheek bones and jaw line , at least a cursoury hello you may have the makings of a pop star especially with that comedy Norman wisdom type fall
• Although he wouldn’t have heard it , I could hold a note
• Girl clearly found this funny , but not much sympathy for the fallen hero

Which leads me to two things , the specials a band Waterman once managed had it wrong. Its not Bernie Rhodes who knows don’t argue it was Pete ..who did for me good and proper

Second thing and honestly the last time I saw her she had her face planted firmly on someone elses lips see it was me vs pete waterman and I lost …twice !


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